Healthy Relationships For Beautiful Life

In happy relationships, there are five simultaneous relationships happening. Healthy relationships are based upon each person having a relationship with him-or-herself. The relationship with the self is the basic building block of a relationship. Both parties must have broken through their denial systems to some extent, achieved some modicum of honesty with themselves, and become willing to take responsibility for themselves. In general, each must be a person in his or her own right. If one does not have a relationship with the self, it is truly impossible to have a living process (healthy) relationship; it will not be possible to be honest with the “other” if one is not in contact with oneself.This relationship with the self is a source of pleasure and expansion and needs time and nurturing in order to grow. In order to have a relationship with the self, it is necessary to have quiet time alone, time to enrich one’s spirituality. A relationship with the self takes time. Truly having a relationship with our own process relates us to the process of the universe.The next two relationships that occur in healthy relationships are each person’s fantasized relationship with the other. Each person has a fantasy about what is go in on with the other and about who the other is. In healthy relationships, it is necessary to bring these fantasized relationships into the conscious self, explore them, and make them available to and share them with the others. These relationships can be the source of a lot of fun, and as long as we know them for what they are, can add richness to our relationship with ourselves and with others.A fifth relationship in healthy relationships is the actual relationship that exists between the two people. It is dependent upon the previous four having been developed, maintained, and “cleaned up” if necessary. Not that we have to be perfect to have a relationship; relationships provide a major arena for growth and self-awareness, and paradoxically they have to exist consciously and be worked with for the relationship between the self and other requires taking risks. In order to have this relationship, it is necessary to be able to see the self and the other and to respect the process of both. This relationship is a rich source of information for the self. And it is more than that; it is an opportunity to know and be known.In healthy relationships, the focus is upon respecting one’s own process. When this happens, each – almost be default – respects the others journey and supports it as well as his or her own.Healthy relationships imply supporting each other, yet these is no focus upon “fixing” the other person. Each person’s process is respected and it is recognized that each must do what he or she must. It is understood that if I have feelings about what the other does, these are my feelings and I have to handle them as best I can. Commitment is not incarceration. It is each being committed to her or his own process, sharing that process, and respecting the process of the others.A healthy relationship is an open system, which means that both information that is external to the parties and the relationship are sought, listened to, and resolved. Therefore, in healthy relationships, choices are very important,, and the generation of options opens the possibility to growth and creativity. Choices are not threats.Relationships are mysterious. Never-the-less, it is fun to play around with some “lists” of ideas for “healthy relationship skills.”To be able to ‘wait with” the evolution of a relationship.To be able to be honest when one is not interested or cannot listen.To recognize and accept one’s own needs and honor them.To care for, not take care of, the other.To know that dependency in any form kills relationships; to honor the integrity of the self and the other.To know that one cannot compromise one’s moral values without eroding the relationship.To be present to the self and the other and share intimacy where appropriate.To know that physical loving evolves as intimacy grows.To know the relationship is only one important aspect of one’s total life.To be unwilling to turn one’s life over to anyone.To accept responsibility for one’s own life and recognize the others responsibility for his or her own life.To be honest with oneself about who the other is and what important values, hopes and fears are not shared.To see the other and the self clearly, without judgment.To know that blame has no place in intimacy and to be willing to own one’s mistakes without judgment.To be able to share “worlds” while maintaining one’s own.To be present.To take risks and be vulnerable with the other.To share feelings as one feels them.To have and respect boundaries.To know that suffering is not love – pain will occur; suffering is a choice.To live one’s own process and respect the process of the other, whatever it is.To know that love cannot be created or manipulated. Love is a gift.According to Dorothy C. Hayden, LCSW, is a couples counselor and sexual consultant in private practice in Manhattan, “All of us are pioneers exploring the potential in relationships. We are learning together. In healthy relationships, we are always flying by the seat of our pants. When we are not trying to control, not trying to create an atmosphere of stasis or security, we are always evolving with the relationship.”

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Skateboarding Offers More Freedom Than Other Sports

One of the reasons why skateboarding is so appealing is that it offers more freedom than other sports out there. Not everyone wants to conform to doing things the same way as everyone else. What this means is that they have the opportunity to explore something new and to make it their own. In too many sports people are expected to be perfect at it. Yet when it comes to skateboarding even the experts will tell you that if you aren’t falling down you aren’t pushing yourself to the limit.In interviews many of these expert skaters will tell you that they love the sport. They are extremely passionate about it due to the fact that they get to be creative and they get to perform new things all the time. They don’t want to be involved in a sport where they are expected to do the same thing again and again. They love being able to offer that element of surprise to a crowd too.There are some basics of skateboarding but the rules include the fact that there aren’t any rules. You can learn the tricks that have been done over and over again or you can create your own. There are always new things coming up for the sport of skateboarding that makes it new and refreshing. How you skate as well as where you skate is up to you and that isn’t something you find with many other sports.This is a sport that you can take part in individually too so you don’t need a team to work with. Of course many skaters like to learn from each other so they socialize in groups and meet up with each other at the local skate parks. You have the freedom to do what you like either on your own or with others and that means you can develop your own style of skating if you would like to.Even the types of equipment that people use can be customized. This includes your deck and all the parts of your skateboard. You can buy one customized or you can make it that way on your own. You can buy all of the pieces that you want for one and mix and match them to get the most out of it. Your skateboard can then be reflective of your personality and what you like. Take some time to shop around and find what you like so your skateboard can be a great expression of what you want to accomplish with it as well.Of course if you are taking part in skateboarding competitions there are going to be some rules that you have to follow. Otherwise you risk being disqualified. Yet you get to create the types of movements you will make. In fact, the more complex your routine is the more points you will score from it. This is why you continue to see new things taking place in these competitions. Those that enter want to do all they can to ensure they are unique and that they have a way to get more points then their competitors.You also need to be observant and respectful of skateboarding laws. In some areas you are fine to ride them where you place but in others you can’t. Take the time to find out what the guidelines are so that you can express your freedom with the sport within those restraints. As more people take up the sport you will find that it is readily accepted in places where they used to be strict so give it time for changes to take place.

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